Monday, July 7, 2008

On Being 52...

Keeping up with all of the various technical advances in electronics reminds me of trying to keep up with the list of, "What To Do & What Not To Do... (being thrown at me at NANOsecond speed) ...WHEN YOU TURN 50..."

Everything is happening FAST and I can't quite KEEP UP!

I watch my kids TEXTing AT 85 WORDS A MINUTE.... I "just" LEARNED how to use this feature and I am so SLOW that I almost forget the question they ASKED before I can PECK OUT an answer...

As part of the "Welcome to 50 Party" I've had my breast squeezed so hard in a BREAST EXAM I thought THAT would give me a tumor or two... I've had to take samples of my OWN stool (at home)over a three day period and send it BY MAIL into the lab... I cut way back (for three days) on the wine and junk food 'cause I didn't want them to think I had any BAD habits...

I've used Preparation H on my eye lids (to HELP WITH the VEILED EYE LID PROBLEM) that "I" didn't even notice I had until...

I got new (STRONGER) contacts ONLY to finds out that I also have CROWS FEET...

And what's with those 1/2 WHITE-1/2 BLACK, LONG & CURLY Eye brows that seem to pop out OVER NIGHT? It's probably from the HEAVY DOSES of Calcium I have to take so that my BONES don't break in half on my new eliptical... Fat chance... I mainly use it as a dryer for delicate clothes...

My metabolism has slowed to a GRINDING HALT... I have to reevaluate myself about every 5 years. I have to ADJUST my DAILY quantity of food to match my slower burning metabolism. By the time I reach 55 I should pretty much be eating about 600 calories a day!

When a younger guy flirts with me I am SURE they have some kind of MAMMA FETISH... and that they could not POSSIBLY be interested in me, for ME... This was different 10 years ago... Have I changed that much?

Will they ever REALLY find a sure fire CURE for gray hair? Those gray busters are NOT working for me! I have been watching my two sisters (who are very close to my age) as they discuss their MEOPAUSAL HOT FLASHES and MOOD SWINGS... Guess that's coming next!

I am now planning a TIME LINE on WHEN to get my EYE LIFT, TUMMY TUCK, & CHIN LIFT. Timing is EVERYTHING... and NEVER all at once! Demi Moore handeled that very cool...She had a major overhaul and then DEBUTED her new self in a brand new HOT MOVIE! It didn't hurt that she has this YOUNG THANG on her arm and he does NOT call her MOM.

So the fight with FATHER TIME goes on... I DREAM of waking up one day and being FIRED UP for a strict regiment of exercise... Instead I just have a craving for more and more comfort food...

I have been surprised at how young I feel inside... It's weird because I still have WILD and CRAZY ideas about life and how to REALLY ENJOY it... I still TEMPER those THOUGHTS with wisdom and control. Soon though I am going to TRY to get in contact with EVERYONE I have lost contact with since I was a KID...

These new technically advanced TOYS like, Internet blogging, and PEOPLE SEARCH-ENGINES, Utube, Live Video, REUNION SEARCH ENGINES, are making it POSSIBLE to reach out and FIND PEOPLE! At 52, I want this!

I need to find them before I completly FALL APART at the SEEMS or I have so much OVERHAULING WORK done that they don't recognize me at ALL!
So...This is ME at 52...
Just like any FAMOUS AGING MASTERPIECE... Always a WORK in PROGRESS...

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